I Don't Want to Talk About It
How to Invite Healthy Dialogue“To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others“ –Tony Robbins
How can I tell someone the truth without hurting their feelings?
Somewhere in our lives we absorbed the lie that there are only two options: hurting another person by telling the truth or turning the pain inward by silencing our own needs. Acknowledging the weakness of this “either-or” argument is one of the first steps in setting the stage for productive conversations about difficult topics. We can find real freedom in being honest with ourselves and each other. Adrian van Kaam’s anthropology of the self can help us uncover what’s blocking our ability to feel safe enough to tell the truth. Other practitioners offer concrete suggestions on when, and how to start difficult conversations compassionately.
The unresolved issues from our past impact our daily lives until we resolve them. They are the issues that are typically the source of the angry conversation we had with someone over dinner or at the office. We are triggered by a feeling memory and our knee-jerk reaction usually has nothing to do with what is happening in the moment. It is, as David Richo says, the past becoming present for us. What is happening in this moment, looks like something we have strong feelings about from our past.
How do you resolve these issues so they lose their hold on you when the person(s) you need to speak with is unable or unwilling to have the conversation. Ira Progoff’s Intensive Journal Method offers a path to come to name your unresolved issues and to have the conversations you need to have for your healing. The ability to name, according to David Richo, is itself an important part of healing and integration. Then, using Progoff’s dialogue process, you can have the conversations you need that lead to healing and integration.
Psychologist Marshall Rosenberg offers us a process to communicate with compassion and clarity. With Nonviolent Communication (NVC) we learn to hear our own deeper needs and those of others. Through this emphasis we can discover the depth of our own compassion and will no longer need to use the language of blame, judgment or domination. As part of this program, you will begin to see how to replace old patterns of defending, withdrawing or attacking when faced with judgment or criticism with a focus on clarifying what we feel or need. NVC can be seen as both a spiritual practice that helps us see our common humanity, using our power in a way that honors everyone’s needs, and a concrete set of skills which help us create life-serving families and communities
This program will be held via Zoom on Saturday, November 9th from 8:15 a.m. until 3:00 p.m. It includes breaks, reflection time, small group discussions in addition to presentation. Registration deadline is November 7th. To register, click the link below.
A donation of $50 is requested. WVIS wants to make its programs available to all who want to attend. Partial scholarships are available by emailing exec.director@wvis.org
Questions: If you have any questions, please email Sally Orcutt at sally@sayyes2yourlife.org
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